If you’re over a certain age, there’s an assumption that if you meet someone, they probably won’t live at home with their parents anymore.
She expressed concern that the man she was dating still lives with his parents – having lived independently her whole adult life, she was a bit worried they may be too different to make it work.
She wrote: “So I met a man recently who is awesome, but I’m not worried that he still lives with his parents (he never moved out). He says the reason is saving for a house (but only has 10k in savings) making 25k a year.
“I have been living on my own since I was 18 (now 28) and managed to save over 20k while paying rent. I don’t want to be shallow, but finances are important.
“Also I’m worried about differences in maturity. What do you think?”
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The reaction to her conundrum was incredibly mixed, with some saying she may as well continue dating him and see what happens, but others had the complete opposite reaction.
Reactions included ‘run like the wind’ and ‘oh god no.’
Others were less hasty, with one writing: “Your relationship is recent. Maybe too early to worry about finances?
“If I were in your shoes I’d be worried about his mum doing everything for him & having that expectation from you?
“In the fullness of time you’ll get to know him better & his attitude to saving & money. Keep your antenna up & go with your gut.
“Don’t move in with him too soon. It might be nice to “play house” for a while but he might be expecting a mother substitute? That would be very hard work.”
Another wrote that he may just enjoy being looked after by his parents – whether or not she finds that concerning is personal.
They commented: “Hmmmm sounds like a path of least resistance choice because if the saving for a house convenient reason was real he would be focused and have more than 10k.
“If he’s on 25k and probably has a fair amount of disposable income given he’s at home he would have more than that to show for it over the years if that was the genuine main reason.
“So, something else is going on in my opinion. Maybe it’s easy and he’s a man-child, maybe his parents need lots of support, maybe he’s emotionally entangled… Who knows but I don’t think you’ve got the full story and anyone can look amazing when they’re not having to adult properly.”
The original poster responded to that comment saying: “He seems to be doing a lot around the house and pulling his way – just doesn’t contribute financially. I am also bit bothered his parents are against me staying over (they are religious).”
One defended the man by writing: “A lot more people are living with parents into their 20s and 30s, because it’s so difficult to buy a house as a single person.
The main thing would be if he acts as an independent adult while living at home. Does he do his share of the housework and have his own life and responsibilities, or does his mum still wash his pants and cook him dinner every night.”
“Then at 32 he really should have a lot more savings. He’s saved the equivalent of a grand a year from age 22, while not having big outgoings. It’s not great. Don’t end up having him at yours all the time, not contributing to food, bills etc. You see a lot of it on here. Just be careful, is all I’m saying”, one advised.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.